Jesus has been back for a while already and I guess everyone already knows what’s up, but most people aren’t going to know about my kidney until he signs off on the Third Testament. Jesus didn’t do so well with our modern foods and drinks, what with everything being so sweet and so salty and so packed with chemicals and new world ingredients and all. He blew his kidneys right out. So they had to find a donor and, it turns out, I was a match.
It was pretty late in the evening when I got a call from the Kidney Institute or some such formal sounding place telling me that Jesus needed my kidney. Honestly, that was the first I had heard that Jesus had returned and that he had been overindulging a little, having developed among other things an appreciation for fortified wines while ministering to the homeless.
Of course I was incredulous, being Jewish and all, but I guess if Jesus comes asking you for a favor, you don’t say no. His is a family that it makes sense to have a good relationship with. I did ask why he couldn’t just miracle himself a new kidney and they told me that he could no more miracle himself a new kidney than he could miracle himself off the cross. There are rules, they said. No knows all of them, but Jesus can’t just miracle anything he wants. That’s why some children have to suffer too.
So I agreed and they scheduled the surgery right away and that’s why Jesus has my kidney. After that he went his way and I went mine and he’s been doing Jesus things and I’ve been doing Kate things. Very low key though. Just wandering around here and there and telling stories and performing miracles from time to time. You’ll be able to read all about his adventures when the book comes out. In the meantime though, whenever I hear that he’s been in this place or that I wonder if it will be written as, “Jesus and Kate’s kidney raised so and so from the dead,” or ”Jesus and Kate’s kidney walked on water.”
Anyway, I hope he’s taking better care of my kidney than he did of his own kidneys since I can’t give him the other one.
(c) 2024, Kate Robbins
